Selling the Sabbatical Idea - or How-to-Choose-Your-Words-Carefully

When Jon and I first started chewing over the idea of taking a sabbatical, we thought it sounded lovely.  As some of the details started falling into place, we became giddy with delight. (yep.  giddy with delight.  my husband.  can you picture it?)  We loved the idea of dropping all of our commitments, packing up the van and running away to explore a totally new place.  Adventure!

We quickly realized that taking a sabbatical was probably not going to bring delight to our children.  They loved all of their friends and commitments.  They felt no need to run away.  The idea of a new place was vague and unappealing.  Torture!

For several weeks, Jon and I kept the sabbatical idea to ourselves.  We thought through the details.  Where might we live?  What might it look like to homeschool?  Who would stay in our house?  While it was still too early for us to answer many of the big questions, we found ourselves answering the small ones.  What cool things are there to do in the Annapolis area?  With some evening searches on the internet, we were able to make a list of local, affordable events or experiences we were willing to offer to our children.

We talked to my sisters who live in Florida.  Since our sabbatical would place us only a two-day drive from their area, we wondered if we could plan on a Christmas reunion in Florida!   When they happily agreed, we knew we had our bait.  Christmas in Florida.  With cousins.  On the beach!   

We also brainstormed what our children might miss the most while we were gone.  We knew our oldest daughter would miss the fifth grade field trip to the Seattle Aquarium.  It was pretty simple to get a hold of a brochure to the Aquarium in Baltimore.  There were a lot of photos of dolphins.  That would help.  :)  

And so, when we presented the idea to the children, we were able to provide a few concrete details and a few things for them to grasp onto and anticipate.  We presented the idea slowly, but not wimpily and not as if we were pleading with them to accept this idea.  It wasn't a 'please say yes, I'll give you....'   We merely gave them some specific, pleasant things to look forward to.  And we gave them all these details one by one, as the ramifications of the news sunk in, and as the questions came to their minds.  We didn't ask them for their approval.  We shared the idea and let them know that this was happening.

We gave them space to mourn.  They cried.  We seldom responded to their protests with, "Yes, but think about how great it'll be to..."  We usually just said, "You're right.  This is going to be really difficult in a lot of ways."

The conversation lasted over many days.  The mourning came at random times.  We were once at a neat event and someone said, "This was great!  See you here next year!" and I saw my child's face suddenly go from delight to distraught because he remembered we won't be around next year.  I remember one Sunday when an upcoming fun event was announced in church and over a thirty second period, each of our children clued in that we would be missing the event.  You could see and feel their bodies sigh...one, two, three of them.  Devastated.  A few shoulders shook while they cried quietly there in church.

But I wanted to write this out so you would know that the kids came around.  Children are very, very, resilient!  Please don't not go because your children are resisting the idea.  If we ever took a vote, all three of them would have voted to not go.  But in the end, knowing that we were going, they rose to the occasion.  We had lots of laughter, and many great adventures.  It was an incredible experience for our family!